Just a thought
by ILUVRONWEASLEY
Summary: COMPLETE. I stare up at the sky and think...if the worst had happened, what would become of little old me? This world...what would it be? What is it now?


**Just a Thought**  
**By ILUVRONWEASLEY**

-One shot-  
-_Edited Version: 13th November 2005_-

Note: Thank you for the kind reviews (and even the not so kind ones)! I'd like to mention that this fic was written because I felt as though I needed to write _something_ and I needed to release certain emotions. Please understand this and perhaps review if you have time (heehee).

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Life.

Sometimes, it's hard.

After all, it's the most unpredictable things isn't it? You never know what on earth could be around the bend and that I guess, is the most difficult part to deal with. The hardest part of life, of course, is dealing with things like death. People mourn and cry over the fact that people are gone forever, when they're really not. They are always there, no matter where you are. I'm sure that if you remember them forever, they'll always be there by your side - as cliché as that may sound.

Maybe one day, life will be more of what we hope it to be. Easy, simple, peaceful, so that we can all live in harmony, but is that really possible? With all this war, muggle and magical alike, all this arguing over religion, colour, _blood_, every little thing can cause world controversy.

In the muggle world, I guess there are many problems; things like racism, when people bully you just because you may have a different skin colour, or smell different; look different. People making fun of you just because you're not as able as they are, not able to read or write as well as they can, not able to run as fast. Even things like your weight and where you live can result in terrible things that have led many of us muggles to suicide.

In the magical world, it seems much the same, although problems seem to be solved more easily, but solutions are becoming more complicated. Out there somewhere, racism in the magical world is the fight between the purebloods and the muggle-borns. Always fighting and fighting about which race is better, but sometimes I wonder, what is the difference? And why do we always have to be the best, when to at least one person on earth, you are already the best?

Problems on this earth are very complicated; many are caused by our own selfish human minds. Indeed, we are all selfish in some way -no one is completely un-selfish for even though we continue to try and help those in need we do not always give them everything, for we think of what _we_ need first. As for the many personal problems, love, for example, what is its meaning?

Is there really such a thing as a soul mate?

Or was there ever a 'meant to be'?

What about God? Never forget the most important question of them all: what is God? Does he even exist? Or is he just something that us humans need in order to keep us feeling safe and secure, in order to keep us all from falling into the traps of life?

I am but a mere muggle-born witch, someone who has no control over what people can think, what they can do, to themselves and to others, but I understand death well enough and I know how very lucky I am that I have not experienced the tragic deaths of any of my loved ones. Indeed I will mourn, but I also believe that I should never spend my entire life mourning.

The problems in this world are many, too many for me to say in one go, too many even for me to remember, but there are answers out there. If we bother to look, I'm sure we'll find them someday.

Many things cause a predicament and many things can lead us all closer as one, but we cannot be united until we trust one another. Trust is something that we cannot give up; something that we mustn't give up…

I'm waiting.

For what? I don't know.

Do you wonder why I am here, maybe, why I am standing here doing this rather than be out and about, having fun. No, I waste my life thinking away, by myself. But I don't think it's a waste of time – to think.

I don't know; it's your opinion.

Have I thought all there is to think? Of course not. There is too much to think of at once. I am merely wondering…this time about the _way_ people think.

Why is it that people must tease others so? For idiotic things - sometimes even for things that we should be proud of. We think that our gift is something bad, just because some people are too envious to care, just because they can't do something as well as you can when really it's them that should be ashamed.

I am clever and I can honestly say that without sounding bigheaded. But no, I do not bask in my own glory and light, I do not go around acting snobbish and posh (at least I try not to do so) but still, people tease me, poke fun at me just because I am smarter than them. Now _that_, I do not understand. Why should they tease me for such a thing as intelligence?

Or for lack of intelligence for that matter.

It is pathetic. But I highly suspect that someone who would actually do these things would not even consider to listen to me talk on and on about this. By now, they should have beaten me up or thrown insults at me and tell me that I'm a know-it-all: a bookworm.

But still I do not see the problem.

What right do they have to tease me when they do not know me?

Books and studying is what I do. I enjoy it, as wizards enjoy playing quidditch and muggles enjoy computer games. That shouldn't be a problem.

My friends say that I am a nice person, that I'm considerate and caring, that I am fun, even if I like my books, I don't _always_ talk about them.

But I do like other things that I know they will not like, which is why I have to hold back on things, hold back just so that they will not see who I really am. If I let myself free, they think me strange and tell me to stop it, and return to normal.

But their normal, is not my normal.

I feel trapped, as though I cannot show them who I really am, like if they do see whom I am, I will loose the only people who seem to make me happy. But this isn't making me happy. The fact that my closest friends don't know me at all is not a pleasant thing.

Sometimes, it makes me feel more alone and trapped than I really am.

You may think that I have my family and maybe I do. But as harsh as this may sound, I do not love my mother and father; I never have, no matter what they buy me, no matter how they treat me. Love is more than money and possessions; even home doesn't feel like home.

Maybe all I need is love; to pull me out of this dark hole that life seems to be pulling me into. Maybe I need to find my knight in shining armour and be his damsel in distress, but if only it were as simple as the fairy tales say it to be.

Have you noticed how it always seems to be some fair maiden, or some princess in the tales? I guess that's why my knight has not come. The fact that I am not a fair maiden, or a princess with a grand kingdom hidden somewhere. I am merely a young girl, with the rest of my life ahead of me…but if so, then how come I am dreading every second of my life?

I sigh and I mope, but I do not see the point of showing my depression anymore. They tease and they push, they say things that hurt, but still, my outer core stays strong, but their needles continue to prise their way into my heart.

It hurts more than ever.

Everyday I smile and try to make the most of my life, like I believe all should do. But who am I to criticise people's decisions in life, when I myself do not do as I say I should? Inside, I think more and more and sometimes I even wish that I would stop thinking. Why do I throb and hurt like so? Others my age do not fear or worry as I do.

Can I not be normal?

People say being unique is essential in life, but some days I pray that maybe I could be normal for once, instead of an individual.

Being individual can be so lonely.

Maybe someday I can look into the mirror and accept who I really am.

And then maybe _they_ could accept me for who I am as well.

-**END**-


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